Spirit Babies

Blog #2- 09/04/25

Connecting to my babies before they were born

I had the privilege in February of experiencing a Womb Hara Massage with the lovely Ella of The Womb Cocoon (based in South Arm Tas), on her visit to Launy (~1hr from me). There were loads of things I gained from this experience, and I highly recommend getting yourself some Womb Space care whether it be in the form of a Womb Hara Massage, a Closing the Bones Ceremony or whatever calls to you and is accessible to you.

One of the things I’ve gained from my Womb Hara Massage experience, is a sense of closure after pregnancy loss, a loss I previously didn’t feel I was ‘allowed’ to acknowledge. To tell the story of this loss, and the closure I must start not at the beginning but in the middle.

I’ve shared the story of my spirit babies with a few friends, it’s not something I am personally afraid to share, however, I am aware that not all are open to talking about the more spiritual aspects of life. So, if you’re not down with the woo woo, this story might not be for you. I am aware that many other Mama’s have similar experiences to these, and I wanted to share mine in the hopes that those Women can feel less alone and more able to sit in their experiences and own them. So, let’s embrace the mirky spirit world and jump right in.

During my pregnancy with my first-born daughter, she visited me (spiritually) during a meditation. I’d been waiting for my baby to feel real (apart from the very physical nausea that seemed to be a constant companion). During my time sitting there in meditation, the spirit of a little girl suddenly consumed my mind, and I felt her as if she was right in front of me. She was maybe about 4 years old and had blonde wild hair and she spoke to me. Mummy it’s me, Sage. I can’t even explain how real this felt and how suddenly connected to my baby it made me feel. After this experience I spoke with Jade, we were still figuring out names and we hadn’t agreed on one. Suggesting Sage after my encounter, it was the first time Jade & I remotely agreed on a name. I shared my experience with Jade and although he is absolutely a pragmatic man, he wasn’t shocked that I would have such an experience.

We went through the rest of the pregnancy without any back up names, and not even knowing for certain that we were having a girl. Safe to say, Sage arrived, and it was clear she was Sage. It's uncanny the resemblance our now nearly 4-year-old Sage has of that image of my baby I saw in my meditation.

At some stage in here I was eager to try and make meaning or sense of my experience and listened to the book “Spirit Babies” by Walter Makichen, which I highly recommend if you’re interested in this topic.

When we were trying to conceive our second daughter, from about one year postpartum (too soon if you ask me now haha), I was extremely eager to connect with my spirit babies that were to come.

It took us around ten months to conceive, which for some is not long, but for a Mum eager to be pregnant, feels like ages. I was eager to see if I would have the same experience with my womb baby visiting me during pregnancy. I felt a deep sense that something wasn’t right, perhaps not physically but spiritually or energetically for our next spirit baby to come down and take a physical form.

During the trying to conceive period, I was trying hard to create the ‘right’ circumstances to allow this baby to come to me. Then one day she appeared, again during meditation. Another little girl with auburn/red long hair and spoke to me and told me her name was Ruby, and that she was wanting to come earthside but that she needed me to promise her brother could come with her.

This was so overwhelming to me, was I going to have twins? Did I even want three babies. Would I not get to have another baby if I didn’t make this ‘deal’ with my spirit baby? It all potentially seems silly to someone who wasn’t having this experience for themselves. But it honestly felt like I was communicating with my children.

I agreed with Ruby that I was willing to love and care for any baby that wanted me to be their mother and that I was ready to embrace her and her brother. We found out we were pregnant soon after and I was so sick during this pregnancy. I had hyperemesis gravidarum, which meant I really had to surrender to the pregnancy and slow right down. I dropped back a lot on working and focussed on trying to get through being unwell. I was convinced in the early days that I must have been carrying twins with the combination of the communication I’d had with Ruby and with being very unwell. Our first scan however, confirmed it was just one bub.

This is where I started to think back to an experience I’d had early on in mine and Jade’s relationship. I’d had an immensely painful period one month, a late period. Where I experienced very heavy and painful cramps and bled rather large grey clumps. I knew something wasn’t right, I’d never had this sort of period before, and I almost felt like I needed to show someone what had happened. We were at a friend’s house though and I was in shock. I flushed it down the toilet, and I still feel strange about it now, but what else are we supposed to do with a baby who isn’t yet a baby? Or a period that isn’t just a period?

An experience I’d never had before, nor have I had again, despite being someone who regularly has painful periods and heavy bleeding. Not long before this period I’d had a boy spirit come to me during meditation. Being that all this occurred before having my girls and being pregnant for a full-term pregnancy, I hadn’t had any context to put this experience into. But it’s something that has stuck with me, as I did have a sense (call it intuition or gut feeling), that this boy energy I felt during meditation was my future child. Before having the heavy period, that I know in my bones was actually a miscarriage, I’d not had a positive pregnancy test or suspicions of being pregnant. However, my period had pretty much always been like clockwork, and I was in a time of my life where I was particularly in tune with my body.

I felt like this was the brother Ruby had been referring to. I had a strange sense that again he had slipped through my fingers, and I had a strange sense of grief that I couldn’t really explain to anyone. I felt like because my experiences weren’t ‘scientifically proven’ or that I had no hard proof, that I wasn’t allowed to grieve the initial loss of this bub. Or the ‘loss’ or missed opportunity to bring him into physical form again with the pregnancy of Ruby.

We had a wonderful birth with Ruby and after birth we discovered I had a succenturiate lobe placenta, which is like a secondary little growth on the placenta. It’s not an indication of twins, but it is more commonly found in a twin pregnancy, so this just made me wonder about whether my pregnancy had started out as two and ended with one baby, but again I didn’t have confirmation of this. Who can tell, I just knew that my boy spirit baby was still there in the either and I wondered would he come into physical form.

I’ve felt that physically since having Ruby, my body and health probably could not take another pregnancy or child. But my heart has still been yearning for this boy spirit baby. I’m over one year postpartum with Ruby and I’m still feeling the effects of having two babies relatively close together (I’ve discovered the best age gap for our bodies and our babies developmentally is 3 years) as well as an honestly horrible pregnancy with experiencing HG. Just like I think all mothers deserve, I’m spending time on trying to heal myself and feel vibrant again. I’ve had to tackle a whole bunch of things this postpartum that weren’t on the cards the first time such as high blood pressure, sleep apnoea, a diagnosis of ADHD and autism, it’s a lot. So right now, another pregnancy is not on the cards in the foreseeable future or potentially not at all.

This has been hard to come to terms with because I’ve always imagined I’d have four kids, and we had always discussed three or four. I’d been feeling the sense of this boy baby spirit still hanging around particularly during Ruby’s pregnancy.

Healing is not all physical and I guess that’s why I’m sharing this deeply personal experience with you all. This brings me no back to the Womb Hara Massage, we had a chat beforehand about things that would potentially arise and I brought up things I thought were important, none of which were about this spirit baby. During the massage, I was honestly just enjoying feeling relaxed and getting physical touch, and was even thinking about how nothing deeper had really come up that I hadn’t expected. When my baby boy spirit came to me again. It was like a full wash came over my body from my womb up to my head. He was there present with me and said, ‘Why didn’t you tell her about me?’ he was sad, and he then gave me permission to let him go. The relief I felt from this was mammoth. It brought me some closure I didn’t know I needed.

How do you begin to explain this to other people, the heaviness of the effects of pregnancy physically on my body, whilst spiritually, and mentally I was still holding onto the need or desire to bring this boy spirit earthside?

As Mothers we are the holders of so much, most of which is difficult to speak about and often isn’t even able to be put into words. I hope that in sharing my experience here, I can share with you the ability to give yourself permission to feel your experiences fully, to trust in your intuition, body and spirit and know that you are allowed to own them. I’m eager to continue feeling into my own experience and somehow express my grief that I felt I wasn’t allowed to feel, maybe through art, maybe more writing who knows. Take this as your permission to feel and express yours too, even if no one else understands it.

Big love,

Rach.