The Missing Piece of Modern Parenting (That No One Talks About)

Blog #9- 26/08/25

Why supporting children starts with supporting mothers.

I understand the importance and the research behind how we can be better parents for our kids and support their nervous systems. I get it.

However, there’s a HUGE missing piece of the puzzle that we aren't talking about. As if it’s a given — but it isn’t. In fact, I believe it’s the most important part. And that is the health of the mother.

If a mum’s nervous system, emotional health, physical health, mental health, spiritual health, or her ability to have her needs met is falling short (which, let’s be honest, most mothers experience), then we’re already starting from a space of lack.

She won’t be able to provide the environment needed for all this “idealistic” talk about supporting our children’s nervous systems, sense of self, body autonomy, and emotional regulation.

And I can already hear you saying, “But it shouldn’t just be up to the mum to create this for the child.”

And I 100% agree. But unfortunately, the REALITY is that so often the motherload (an ironic word, isn’t it?) is indeed on the mother’s shoulders. Even when she has a switched-on, supportive partner, there’s still so much ingrained imbalance an inequality.

We know the saying “it takes a village” — and it’s true. But in today’s society, that village is often just a pipe dream. And it feels unfair to pile even more expectations onto mothers, asking them to implement new parenting practices and ideals, when so many are already stretched beyond their limits — often while reparenting themselves at the same time.

The truth is, the emotional and mental load of worrying, planning, and holding all of this is mostly in the mother’s domain. Pretty much every mum I speak with shares the same story: no matter how wonderful her partner or co-parent is, it’s still mostly on her.

So why aren’t we talking about it more openly? Why do so many mums only share this with other mothers, in whispers, instead of raising it more widely?

Because how do we even begin to explain this to people who aren’t living it themselves?

We need to redirect the conversation from “what more can we do for our kids” to “how can we better support our mums.”

Because when a mum is well nourished, looked after, supported, held in community, and has her needs met, the ripple effect is massive. The kids are automatically better off. It’s a no brainer.

Yet here we are, still ignoring the needs of the mother. There’s so much more we can do to support mums and making postpartum care a standard practice is one of them. Starting out our motherhood experience unsupported, undernourished, exhausted and ignored is a recipe for failure. Let’s change it.

If this resonates, my Becoming You (After Baby) workbook was created for exactly this — helping mothers reconnect with themselves, their needs, and their strength. Because when mums are nourished, the whole family thrives. Check it out here

Big love,

Rach.