If you’ve found yourself typing “I’ve lost myself after having a baby” into google at 3am while feeding your baby, you’re not alone.
Blog #8- 12/08/25
This is a feeling so many mothers relate to at some point during their first years of having babies. Sometimes a few weeks postpartum, sometimes months later, it even lingers for much longer for some of us—when we look in the mirror and realise we don’t quite recognise the woman staring back.
You can love your baby with your whole heart and even be thoroughly enjoying being a mother… and still miss you. And that’s not a sign of failure or selfishness. It’s a natural response to one of the biggest identity shifts a human can go through: matrescence—the physical, emotional, and social transformation of becoming a mother.
What Is Postpartum Identity Loss?
Postpartum identity loss isn’t about forgetting who you are—it’s about feeling like your previous self has faded into the background. The woman who once had spontaneous plans, interests, uninterrupted conversations, and a full night’s sleep is suddenly replaced by someone who is always “on duty.”
For many mums, this loss shows up as:
Mourning the freedom, hobbies, or work life they had before
Feeling disconnected from their own body
Struggling to relate to friends who aren’t in the same life stage
A sense that life is only about the baby now
These feelings are common and valid. In fact, research shows that more than half of new mothers report a sense of lost identity in the first year postpartum.
Why You Might Feel Lost
Motherhood changes everything—your priorities, your relationships, your body, and your brain chemistry. But the reasons you feel “not yourself” are often a mix of emotional and practical challenges:
Grief over your past self – You can love your baby and still miss who you were before motherhood. Both can be true.
Overwhelm & exhaustion – Constant care, night feeds, and decision-making fatigue leave little energy for self-reflection.
Loss of space & connection – Without time alone or adult conversation, you may feel invisible.
Pressure to be everything – The expectation to “bounce back” physically and emotionally adds weight to an already heavy load.
How to Start Finding Yourself Again
While motherhood can feel consuming, there are ways to begin reconnecting with yourself—step by gentle step.
1. Acknowledge What You Miss
Instead of pushing those feelings away, write them down. Name the hobbies, habits, and parts of your old self you miss most. This is not about dwelling on the past—it’s about honouring your whole story. There’s huge merit to getting things out of the mind and writing it down.
2. Claim Small Moments for You
Even 10 minutes with a coffee in silence, a walk alone, or a quick journaling session can help you remember that you matter too.
3. Revisit Old Passions—Slowly
Bring back a hobby in a small, realistic way. Loved painting? Start with a 15-minute free paint while the baby naps. Used to run? Try a gentle walk with the bub in the pram.
4. Find Your Village
Motherhood is not meant to be lived in isolation. Seek out friends, mums’ groups, or women’s circles where you can be yourself—messy hair, vulnerabilities, the whole lot. It is hard I know.
5. Embrace the New You
Your pre-baby self isn’t gone forever—but she has evolved. Some parts remain, others transform, and some brand-new pieces emerge. The journey isn’t about going “back”—it’s about integrating who you were with who you are now.
The “Becoming You (After Baby)” Path
This is where my work comes in. Becoming You (After Baby) is a guided workbook for mothers who want to reconnect with their identity, energy, and joy after birth.
It blends:
Self-reflection exercises
Body connection practices
Tools for balancing motherhood with your own needs
Space to dream about who you’re becoming—not just who you were
Because you don’t need to “bounce back” to the old you. You’re allowed to grow forward into someone different.
Through guided reflection, gentle body practices, and practical tools, it helps you move from simply “getting through the day” to feeling grounded, confident, and connected to who you truly are.
Here’s the kind of transformation women experience:
Before:
Feeling disconnected from your body and unsure who you are beyond “Mum”
Constantly putting your own needs last, leaving you depleted
Struggling to articulate your dreams or desires beyond the baby stage
Feeling like life is happening to you, rather than with you
After working through the workbook:
Reconnecting with your body through small, meaningful practices that feel nourishing
Gaining clarity on your values, priorities, and personal identity in this new season
Feeling more balanced, with small daily rituals that support your energy and mental health
Having a renewed sense of purpose, direction, and joy in both motherhood and your personal life
This process isn’t about “bouncing back” to your old self—it’s about growing forward into a more integrated version of you: a woman who honours both her role as a mother and her own unique identity.
Losing yourself after having a baby doesn’t mean you’re doing motherhood wrong—it means you’re human. Your identity matters. Your joy matters. And your sense of self is worth tending to, just like your baby’s needs.
You’re still here.
And with time, care, and the right support, you can meet yourself again—perhaps in an even deeper, more beautiful way than before.
If you’re ready to start that journey, I’d love to walk alongside you. Becoming You (After Baby) is available now for pre-order with a special early bird price. The workbook will be released on the 28th August, and sent straight to your inbox if you’ve purchased it in the pre-sale. It’s your workbook for gentle, practical steps to help you rediscover who you are—in motherhood, and beyond.
Big love,
Rach.