Self-Preservation Isn’t Selfish:

Blog #11- 08/09/25

Reconnecting With Myself Through Motherhood, Yoga, and Neurodivergence

My relationship with looking after myself has always been a wild one. I’ve bounced around between thinking I wasn’t deserving of being cared for, whether it as my mind, or my body. To not feeling able to exist without having hours every day to myself where I could move my body, journal, and make sure I was eating well. Before I had kids I literally couldn’t get through workdays or life without dedicating most of my waking hours to stimulating my body, mind or belly with something.

It's been a fine, precarious line I’ve walked with meeting my own needs. Worried about being too selfish by even meeting the most basic of needs, to being unable to get myself out of bed from lack of interest in preserving my existence.

Just as I thought it couldn’t get any harder, and that I’d finally figured out what I needed and how to meet those needs, I had kids. Then suddenly this ‘balance’ I thought I’d found was completely consumed by all the effort and needs of keeping someone else alive and well looked after. So consuming that I could barely find the time to think about my own needs let alone meet them.

I became completely disconnected from my body, and my mind went hey wire. Sure there were times after the first few months of having my babies that I thought I’d better try and squeeze in some care for myself, but for the most part I was so exhausted, and consumed by caring for my child that I had nothing left for me. After pregnancies, birth, and years of giving myself to my children, I’ve realised this truth: self-preservation isn’t selfish — it’s survival.

I’ve since got a little more clarity as to why I found it so hard to look after both myself and my children, being diagnosed with ADHD and autism during my second pregnancy. However, I think this experience is not limited to those of us who have ‘different’ brain systems. This experience is sadly very common among most of the women I meet in my work. The season of life where we move from maiden (pre-mother) to mother (a transition called Matrescence), are some of the roughest we go through (along with adolescence and menopause).

I can honestly say that there are so many points throughout my own Matrescence journey that I literally barely survived, and I’m not at the end of it yet.

Losing Myself in Motherhood

As a yoga teacher, I thought I had the tools to stay grounded through life’s changes. I knew about nervous system regulation, about breath, about finding balance. But when motherhood met neurodivergence (AuDHD) and the sheer weight of the mental load, all of that wisdom appeared to get lost and felt just out of reach.

I lost myself. Slowly at first, then all at once. My body didn’t feel like my own, my days blurred together, and even the simplest acts of caring for myself felt impossible. And it’s not just me — almost every mother I speak with whispers the same truth: “I don’t feel like me anymore.” Even if from the outside they appear to have it all together.

The Messy Journey Back

Reconnecting with myself hasn’t been neat or linear. It hasn’t been early morning yoga sessions or consistent journaled reflections (though I wish it was). Instead, it’s been in the small, imperfect moments:

·     Five minutes of stretching on the lounge room floor while toys are scattered around me, and the kids are dancing to “let it go” on full blast.

·     Saying “no” when I know I’m already at capacity.

·     Choosing to rest- which often just means laying on the floor, even when the dishes are still sitting in the sink.

·     Allowing myself to need help, and doing the painful action of asking for it.

For me, yoga hasn’t looked like it once did. My neurodivergence means I can’t always follow the “rules” of routine or structure — but I’m learning that presence, not perfection, is what brings me back to myself.

I’ve had to work really hard on letting go of the ideal way of looking after myself, and accept whatever crumbs of it I can get.

Why Self-Preservation Matters

Here’s what I know now: when I show up depleted, burnt out, and running on fumes, no one wins. Not me. Not my children. Not my partner.

But when I choose preservation — when I fill my cup, even if only in tiny ways — I become more patient, more present, more capable of love and care. Taking care of myself is the most generous thing I can do for the people I love.

Self-preservation is not about abandoning others. It’s about sustaining ourselves so we can keep showing up without breaking apart.

And deep down I know that we all know this to be true. So why is it so fucking hard to do? I think it’s because we deserve so much better than scraping by on fumes, of taking whatever crumbs of self-preservation we can. Yet the reality for most of us is so far from this ideal it’s hysterical.

An Invitation

If you’ve felt lost in motherhood too, I want you to know you’re not alone. Reconnecting with yourself is possible — and it doesn’t have to look perfect. It starts with one small act of preservation today. And even those of us with the certificates like yoga teacher trainings, and postpartum doula care- can struggle with this in the noise and mess of motherhood.

The fact that you’re reading this is a great first step. Take the next small step by taking a moment to ask yourself: What do I need right now, and how can I give myself even the smallest piece of that?

And if you’re craving a guided way back to yourself, my Becoming You (After Baby) workbook was created for exactly this — helping mothers rediscover who they are beyond the role of “mum.” Because your wellbeing isn’t an afterthought. It’s the foundation of everything. Let’s start remembering this, and taking one action step at a time to reclaim it.

Big love,

Rach.